TINY TOWN, USA – About 20,000 people and 25,000 cars rolled into Tiny Town from Aug. 21 to Aug. 23. More are coming. That translates into a lot of drunks and fender benders. It's called back to school time here in the U.S.A. We at TTT take a dimmer view and mark it as a another sign of the apocalypse.
The police see it as a time to make a strong impression on the young and witless and to feather the caps they don't wear as often as they used to. Why are they not wearing their caps? We do not know.
In any case, our Tiny Town Blues met the insurgency head-on and crashed a lot pf parties from Friday to Sunday. They handled a total of about 250 calls and a whopping 163 arrests mostly for underage drinking, open container and city code violations like littering.
It's about time litterbugs got popped.
Some of these items are worthy of note to emphasize the escalation of nonsense marking this rite of passage in our idiocracy. For instance: 18 motor vehicle accidents, one involving a cop car, another a truck that hit a building in C-town and several hit and runs. Not to mention a suspicious skunk incident (see below).
About the beer busts: The editors at TTT think that the 21 year old drinking age is insane. At 18, 19 and 20 you are encouraged to go get your limbs blown off by a roadside bomb in Iraq but you can't drink beer in America?
Not only is this an insult to any 13-year-old who can hold his/her liquor, it is a set-up to break the law.
Even so, for most of these boys and girls, getting slapped with an appearance ticket is about as close to uniformed service as they will get. Except when they dump their dinner trays off at one of the campus feed lots. We believe the kitchen crews still wear EDUCorp. Laundry.
O Yes! many a slip between cup and lip occurred this weekend.
The following is a tally of arrests and certain charges.
Open Container Violations: Approx. 57, mostly Saturday night and early Sunday, mostly in ChinaTown and on South Stupid Hill.
Underage drinkers popped: Approx. 37 -- ditto on dates and places.
Noise: 18 tickets issued
Littering: at least 10.
Below we note only those unlucky few who got saddled with multiple infractions.
It will be a crowded day in old City Court folks, so reserve your seat ahead of time.
Not to be outdone, Tiny Town's local miscreants were busy as well. We note here only Mr. Larry Payne, 21, popped for an alleged felony of first degree criminal contempt and second degree harassment, picked up on Aug. 21 and held in jail last we knew.
PENULTIMATELY: We remain concerned about reports of someone shooting a BB gun at animals on Hudson Street Friday night around 9 p.m. Hey asshole -- we'll get you!
Also: A statue on The Commons was vandalized. Hmm. Maybe the statue had it coming. More on that, later.
FINALLY: REPORT OF A SKUNK ACTING STRANGELY. OFFICER WAS UNABLE TO LOCATE THE SKUNK IN QUESTION! Hudson Place 10:05 p.m. Aug. 22.
Below: A country skunk checking out the site of food left out for homeless barn cats in the Town of Ulysses. Skunks never behave strangely. They behave like skunks no matter the conditions.
– C. Penbroke Handy