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Hobo Pirate Jesus Asks Moms to Go Back To School

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Hobo Pirate Jesus Asks Moms to Go Back To SchoolMoms Return to SchoolFrom the TinyTown Satellite of Berkeley, CA

Has anyone in Tiny Town seen these banner ads recently?  Kids these days have three easy letters for things like this: W-T-F.

Being a (reluctant) user of Yahoo! Mail, I’ve been subjected to a number of these types of ads (though usually it's Obama who's doing the asking), but this one truly gives me the creeps. Please bring back the sexy epileptic-seizure silhouettes!  I don’t want Hobo Pirate Jesus to start telling me that there’s never been a better time to refinance… I just want him to go away.

I’ve been listening a book on tape called “Daemon,” by Daniel Suarez.  Action-heavy, brain-cell-light books on tape are my indulgence as carving printmaking blocks for hours on end becomes tedious.

The premise of the book (and I don’t think I’ll spoil much by saying this, but if you really care then don’t read this paragraph) is that a demented game designer constructs an elaborate quasi AI which activates after his death and carries out his nefarious plans.  One way the AI recruits human help is by sending out small signals through the Internet.

So if I were an insane computer programmer this might be exactly the sign I posted to alert my followers to mobilize and destroy.  I’m not a subscriber to conspiracy plots, I’m just saying, is all.  And if Daniel Suarez decides to document Hobo Pirate Jesus in his sequel, I would like a signed copy.

~ Belinda Cho

 

Last Updated on Wednesday, 06 January 2010 17:31
 

Presenting Olive the Weather hen

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 Today: a special up close and personal report on Olive herself Dim lights Embed Embed this video on your site
Last Updated on Monday, 05 April 2010 10:56
 

Chaos and Rebellion at Tiny Town Times

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  Dim lights Embed Embed this video on your site Readers of Tiny Town Times, puzzled by the dwindling of news stories and the complete absence of puzles in recent days,

get an unspun update and some  diversion in this report from our outlying stringer and sometime meteorologist Davey Weathercock.

 

Missy Hooligan's Tall Animal Revue Rumored to be in Area

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Tiny Town, USA -- It's still a rumor as yet. But fliers for the the Missy Hooligan's "Tall Animal Revue" have been sighted along the  Bald Hill sector in the Tiny Town of Caroline.

"It's a bit consternating," says Shug Turnbull, town supervisor. "We haven't had anyone report to sightings of tall primates in pinstripes, but that doesn't mean other tall animals from Missy Hooligan's Revue aren't skating around the highlands here."

Squinching out of her corn cob on Bald Hill, Buela K. Peck-Saunders said seeing the Tall Animal Revue again would be like "seeing the return of Cromwell's Comet, or whatever it was called."

"I was just a suckling babe the last time to the Tall Animal Revue skated down yonder hill. I heard one of the monkeys was Burl Ives, but of course it was oldie time and people lied to pass the hours."

The State Police said they did identify a semi with a California license plate at the rest stop in Willseyville, but that the driver provided proper documentation for a "travelling theatrical group of protracted length."

We think these are clear signs the Hooligan Revue is nearby and please report any sightings to TTT.

-- C. Penbroke Handy 

 

 

 

 

Park Encroaches on Local Industry Habitat

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Four This report comes to you from our correspondent in the tinytown satellite of E-ville:

E-ville: a Tinytown Darth Vader. Once a "normal" town, with its share of dog tracks, speakeasies, slaughterhouses, and Prohibition-era dance pavilions built atop native middens, it is now more machine than man.

The lone lefty on the city council has recently announced that he won't seek another term. Lefty, in E-ville, means "less inclined to subsidize contractors so they'll build another mall." He has designated an heiress apparent, so we'll see how that goes.

This isn't meant to be a political missive, all- politics-being-local aside: your correspondent supplies this background to provide context for a story.

Said lefty city councilman was the chief agent behind getting an old, disused warehouse (and its grounds) turned into a public park. Initially, his was the only vote in favor: the others opposed the park. It took a long time to get done, but it has met with what is called universal acclaim. Bells and whistles galore. A fine combination of sustainable local plants, brushed stainless steel lavatories, and just-dangerous-enough-to-be-cool playground equipment.

It has been open for a couple of months as of this writing. Two days ago was the official ribbon-cutting. Your correspondent was not in attendance, having been called away to ceremonial duties in the remote mountains (hiking, drinking, hiking while drinking, and emitting foul smells). Apparently a costly plaque was put in place, bearing the names of four of the five city council people. Absent was the name of Mr. Lefty, sine qua no park, who decided that this kind of self-serving idolatry wasn't his speed.

Your correspondent is inclined toward cynicism, and disinclined to the wearing of hats. Yet here he must figuratively tip his to Mr. Lefty, who could've gone down in the bronze annals of public parkdom like four other little local Caesars, but did not.

His motives can only be guessed at, and the conspicuous absence of his name may be pure theater: the reader is invited to suspend judgment and take a moment to contemplate E-ville's fine assortment of parking garages and publicly subsidized three-quarters empty office buildings.

– W.O. Clamteeth

 

The menagerie of to-day

Last Updated on Wednesday, 23 September 2009 14:25
 


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