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Bad Landlord!

Bad Landlord! Good Landlord!

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1.   2.

What exactly do we mean by Bad Landlord? Or for that matter, Good Landlord? If we're talking about the property depicted in image No. 1 above, by "bad landlords" do we mean self-absorbed Downstate transplants who don't give a rat's patootie about their neighbors or anyone in a wheelchair who must use their curb cuts?


Welllllll ... not yet, anyway.

We mean they are irresponsible and either haven't yet gotten levied by the city for their abysmal maintenance of this property on the busy corner of N. Geneva and Cascadilla Sts., or soon will be.

Get off your assets and start shoveling we say. Or dare we send out our "Instant Lawsuit Unit" and sue for whiplash and a bruised coccyx? Same goes for the folks a couple houses down, No. 2, in the pair above. What's it gonna cost you to shovel 50 feet of sidewalk? How about a lawsuit? We're not exactly raking in the big bucks here at TinyTownTimes and some of us, like Chad (a former stuntman in "Every Which Way But Loose") is just itching to practice a pratfall to the tune of several thousands dollars that the city will pass along to you so get to work.  

3. 4.

Okay. Look. We're not interested in a religious war here. Everyone can see that the Catholic Church steeple is bigger than the Greek Orthodox Tower, although, not nearly as exotic. But the Greek Orthodoxy have an unorthodox approach to maintaining their corner appointment as opposed to the busy, helpful, charitable Catholics across the street. We will comment no further except to ask the one and only non-perishable son of G-d, as he slips and schleps in his leather sandals along the graupel laden walk outside the Greek Orthodox Church, "Mr. Christ, would you like us to carry you over to the Catholic side of the street where it's safer?"

Note Bene: We at TinyTownTimes are a-religious, that is, we do not enter into the whole argument about religion, existence or non-existence of G-d, etc. We do, however, really like the baked goods at the Greek Orthodox annual Easter bake sale. They are the best.


5. 6.

Aha! A notorious neighborhood baddie -- No. 5!

What's with these landlords? We know them to be salt of the earth people, yet they will neither shovel nor spread any SO2 on the walks bordering their properties for money nor love, apparently.

We do not hate them, we like them. They are just lazy is all we can figure. Do we ask that you run out the door with a bristle broom and highway plow every time a little lake effect snow blows in? Of course. Not. Still, some effort would be appreciated. It's embarrassing and don't forget our stuntman Chad who is doing his tumbling routine right now in eager anticipation of a serious back injury ON YOUR PROPERTY. 

Finally (No.6), we close with a Good Landlord. S. Geneva St. You could eat off that sidewalk. In fact, we're dining there this evening. Bring waterproofs and dress for the weather.

– C. Penbroke Handy 

Last Updated on Thursday, 18 February 2010 18:34


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fane curse 1 fane curse 2 fane curse 3 fane curse 4

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THE CURSE OF FANE IN EIGHT DOWNTOWN FLAVORS: Behold, the works of FANE -- eight prime downtown storefronts and buildings empty for months and in the case of the Masonic Temple (top row, farthest right), years. 

TOP ROW: Three S. Cayuga St. storefronts and the marvelous Masonic Temple building, empty.

BOTTOM ROW: Three vacant storefronts on The Commons and an empty building on Bank Alley. All have succumbed to The Curse of Fane. 

TINY TOWN, USA –– The Curse of Fane remains the same. And the recession's got nothing to do with it.

Jason Fane's stranglehold on prime downtown real estate is deadly as ever. Which only goes to show you that any yutz from downstate with a few bucks in his pocket can build an empire in Tiny Town. The Tiny Town tycoon's work started with one lowly rental way back in the day. From that, the man, a visionary to be sure, quickly realized he could jack up prices to whatever the market would bear. With lots of wealthy college students, that worked dandy in the C-town rental unit department.

The man then built his own Tiny Town of overpriced retail units, gradually buying out the feeble and not-so-visionary downtown landlords while driving others to spike their rents as well. A limp-wristed city government sat back and let the runaway capitalist drive a good chunk of downtown into ruin without making any effort to impose restrictions on his properties. For instance, eminent domain could be claimed for buildings unoccupied after two years, fines could be imposed. Nada. His crapass high rises in Collegetown lend the eastern horizon all the charm of a Yonkers skyline. 

It wouldn't be so bad we think if only the man would relent now and then. Rather, he sends forth his henchman, Yengo the Bamboozler, to craft shifty deals with prospective renters. Most who have fallen for the alleged perks are out of business now and long gone. The smart ones grabbed their goods before Fane's minions could change the locks. 

What would it take to get rid of this man? Should we be rid of this man? Or, does he just happen to be the onw who saw his opportunity and took it. And do you not think it true, dear Tiny Towners, that were it not Fane it would be someone else?

I have seen the man and it does appears his wealth has added girth to his ample corpus but little visible mirth. And yet some who have gotten close to man without breaking into hives claim he has a good sense of humor.

We at TTT.com believe the man is cursed with greed and therefore pity him. We have heard however, that he does give to his synagogue, so there is a tiny dent in his armor.

–– C. Penbroke Handy

Last Updated on Wednesday, 29 July 2009 11:25

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