Indoor nuisance wildlife activity at low ebb, says Center security guard

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security dood

TINY TOWN, USA –– July 14 will go down as a slow day for nuisance complaints in Center Ithaca, according to a security guard who works there.

"The summers are pretty mellow," said John, who works for Securitas, the agency with the not-quite-ready-for-prime-time uniforms. "In the winter though, the kids can raise some hell inside."

John said he had no prior experience with safeguarding private property unless, he said, you count his time with the military "and that's going back a ways."

Typical problems: Teens tossing food and other projectiles inside the Atrium where there are several eateries; drug dealing; the homeless and unemployed who have no better place to be sleeping; dogs; the mentally ill who consider it a way station between supportive living and the mental health building. The latter tend not to cause much trouble but are difficult to deal with as they are often medicated and move slowly, some times getting stuck in one place for hours. 

Other trouble makers find their way below decks on the elevator and hang out in the sub-level corridors where there is only one business, making it a welcome place to rendezvous and cause all manner of mischief. 

"Oh, there are all kinds of places in here for them to roam around," said John the security guy who keeps a piece of Tiny Town safe for Ithacan-Americans. We'll check back come winter -- you betcha!

–– Franklin Crawford

Last Updated on Thursday, 16 July 2009 11:39
 

Tiny Town Man claims to like some mundane public art

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boring art

TINY TOWN, USA –– An Ithaca man pointed at two of three public murals in the passageway between the Commons and Green Street and said, "I like these."

The two panels depict bucolic scenes from outside the city limits. Pointing to a third that depicts a dismounted cyclist, a person of color and an obviously gay man at the Ithaca Farmer's Market, the local critic gave a firm thumbs down. 

"I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings," he said in reference to the third piece. "But I don't like this one." 

At the time of this story the tinytowntimes.com art posse was hot on the heels of the name of the person who created these works for a quote. In general, the art posse has taken a dim view of these paintings, finding fault not so much with the "artist" as with the aesthetically-challenged city council that approved these works for public display. Considering the allegedly high level of artistry we boast of here in Tiny Town, these works exhibit a stunning lack of imagination on the city's part. 

But the tinytowntimes.com editors are impartial. We sought and found an Ithacan who approved of two of these items and, as they say, two out of three ain't bad, unless we're talking concurrent terminal illnesses. 

–– Franklin Crawford

 

Last Updated on Friday, 17 July 2009 13:42
 

Cass Park July 2009

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 CASS PARK, TINY TOWN, USA ––

baberuth
childgarden
inletreflect
rollerderby
warfare
womsoftball
womsoftball2
Ithaca pitcher lets one loose in Babe Ruth League match-up against South Seneca
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All photos by Franklin Crawford

Last Updated on Wednesday, 15 July 2009 18:33
 

COP TELLS FREAK WHERE TO GET OFF

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TINY TOWN, N.Y. –– Our very own passive-aggressive attention getter had just purchased a spot for his precious ta-ta on the Sagan Sun Monument to better expose his righteousness. The TinyTownTimes.com Freak Squad have been keeping on eye on this fellow. And guess what? Yesterday an officer of the law took action! The charge: Desecrating the Sagan monument -- no small crime in Tiny Town. The officer was lenient however and merely told Narcissus to rest his funky duff somewhere else.

Mentally ill or not, this guy takes up a lot of space in general, often advertizing his admittedly shapely corpus to all and sundry. He likes to perform back bends and handstands and the like. Not violent, he still somehow manages to offend. Older shoppers in particular have difficulty understanding that he is a street performer, though unlicensed, and is therefore as welcome as the trees and bushes, the drug addled and the sober. Sagan fans everywhere will find themselves in the unusual position of applauding this officer's assertive move. Other authorities would have left our little helioadolator alone.  

Last Updated on Wednesday, 15 July 2009 10:20
 


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