STANDING ROOM ONLY: San Jose, CA. July 28, 2010. Author Dan Fost tells lies at a book store in San Jose to a crowd of total strangers numbering at least two or three. Not enough seats were available for all and others stood owing to some nervous condition that prevented them from resting on their duff. His son Harry, not pictured, videotaped the event and is now suing his father for breach of parental ethics.
Tiny Town Times Satellite of San Jose, CA. – Dan Fost, former Tiny Town ace reporter during the furry Ben Nichols years in Ithaca, the last good time there was to be had here in this dirty bong shop of a town, has moved onto bigger things with his life.
Namely, purveying tall tales. His latest book purports to be a history of the San Francisco Giants. The beautiful photos, none of which Fost took himself, belie a text which is strewn with prevarications of the highest order.
To wit: "The Giants were originally a small tribe in Israel that migrated to Ireland. Later, they moved to the U.S. via Nova Scotia and then into the Dutch colonies stolen from an Indian prince named Son-of-Breeches for in fact he sold the original Manhattan Indian's (then a triple-A team) clam chowder recipe for a pair of pants and wooden clogs ..."
Fost continues with his lies:
"The team was formed in 1888 and named The New York Gollums, as most were unbearable homely, well over 9 feet tall and all were of Ashkenazy stock except for the coach, an Armenian named Sarkissian who cried out, after the team succeeded in frightening the Bellevue Aunties off the field in Game 6 of the National Pennant in 1899, "My Big Ugly Menschkins! My Giants." After that the name took and for a time they were known as the New York Menschkins ... The team is notable for introducing saurkraut to the ball park. Later, meat scrapings squeezed into paraffin tubes were added and placed within soft edible folding insoles ... these were originally called 'brats n' brotts' and often came with a cardboard container of vinegar beer ..."
It's not necessary to quote any further from the book. Stick with the pictures. They are nice.
It is a handsome book, unlike the history of the Giants, it is worth remembering within reach of the toilet. As Giants hall of famer Gaither Petraus once said "there is nothing so overrated as a world series championship and so underrrated as a good bowel movement."
Pictures provided here are the sole property of the tinytowntimes.com ... Fost is not affiliated with this publication in any manner except that he started it.
A VERY DANGEROUS MAN: Fost is wanted in several Northern California eateries for walking out on his bill. Rather than pay, he leaves a copy of his so-called "coffee-table book" in lieu of service charges. He continues to claim that he has something to do with our publication but rest assured dear readers, we are not in the business of payrolling sociopaths. Some of his colleagues were stunned to learn of his change in behavior. "That's not the Dan Fost I knew at the San Francisco Chronicle," said Sean Penn, hard hitting Baghdad embed whose death defying reportage from inside the inside of a bunker inside a tank inside a safe deposit box in a green room in the Green Zone surrounded by Hollywood bouncers and hired killers, changed the paper forever. "The Dan Fost I knew was taller than me."
BELOW: Fost signs with his favorite motto: "I love you; I kill you."
We wish he were back here reporting on Common Council.
In his day, the alderman were not just a bunch of glue-baggers, they actually knew Robert's Rules of Order and since Robert and Fosty are both gone, well, take a look at the place, will ya? Oneonta's downtown makes Tiny Town's Commons look like a big spittoon. With buffoons at every helm in office and committee, the place is dead on its feet.
Come back Fost. Stop writing books. Books are for people who can read. How many of them do you know who got all the way down here?
– C. Penbroke Handy, filing late but originally on location in San Jose, Weds. July 28, 2010
METS FANS FOUND THIS BOOK HELPFUL: Mets fan gets a laugh out of page 49.
Available on Amazon.com and soon at Buffalo Street Books in Ithaca, NY
List: $25; Sale price $16.95; Used, $1, but we'll take $10 for our signed review copy.
Published by MVP Books. See MVPBooks.com for more information.
"Actually a very good book," Franklin Crawford, autistic person, paid to say so. "Actually a very good book. Actually ... " etc.
with Chad Coles [pictured] 
